You can do anything for one day!

I think that it would be easy to say "I need to get a gym membership and start working out, I'm getting a little squishier around the edges than I would like". But, I now realize it is more than that. I am writing this post and putting my feelings out into the world, so I would appreciate kind words or criticism only.

I am a mom now, motherhood does things to your mind that I never realized. I never realized how my being overweight could affect my future, nor did I think it was hurting anyone. I now realize though that it can, and will if I don't learn to change it. As a parent, my job is to teach. I am teaching my son everyday to learn to eat, and be active. He will imitate and model my behaviour into his childhood.

 I don't usually feel like I am terribly overweight but then when I see pictures of myself I don't see the same person that I feel like. It's like a complete stranger is looking back at me. It's the weirdest feeling, I don't know if anyone relates to this but it's like I'm trapped inside the body of a fat woman that I don't know. I want to not only learn to be a more fit person but I need to learn to love myself. The hardest person for me to love is myself. I see all of my faults and short comings and I can seem to control everyone and everything except myself.

I realized that I had a problem when I noticed that I can lie to myself. I can have a smoothie, or a cookie and think "No one saw it, so it doesn't mean I ate it. " How freaking ass backwards is that?! I never realized how weird it was, then one day I just woke up and thought, "Crap man, I made myself fat." I made myself fat. Every bite I take is what effects my waistline. I think that I have a problem within myself, mentally that is contributing to my lack of control over the food I eat.

 I want to be able to find a healthy relationship with food so that I can pass it on to my son and feel confident that we are living a lifestyle that will set him up for a positive future. I truly never realized that I, myself, and only me made myself fat. I would like to find a supportive group of people that will not ask me to go eat an ice cream or drink a beer because god knows I will.

I from this day forward am going to vow to TRY my hardest to overcome this. I feel like I can do anything for one day. So this will be my motto. "You can do anything for one day!". If you want to help me stay on track, offer advice, take me on a long walk, whatever- I'm up for it.

I need to save my own life.