Week...something...I have no idea.

I have no idea what week this is, I should probably figure that out. This week I am finally back on track, I could certainly be running more but this weather is so hard to run in. Not actually hard to run in, mainly I just don't want to leave my hot cup of coffee and warm blanket.
 
I am eating better. For breakfast I have two egg whites, which I actually like better than whole eggs. They are certainly tolerable considering they are an embryo...or chicken abortion. Ugh, I really hate eggs, they are getting easier to tolerate though.
 
I made squash soup for dinner a couple days ago and that has been supplying me with fuel for the last few days. It's actually pretty delicious. I just used some frozen chicken stock probably....3 large cartons worth if it was from a store. I added in garlic, celery, onions, and carrots that I sauteed in coconut oil until they sweat. I added in two large sweet potatoes skinned and sliced into cubes and one half of a large butternut squash. I let it all cook until they were soft and then blended it. I also added salt, pepper, pepper flakes, and a little cayenne. It's savory and a little spicy and pretty much perfect for autumn yummy foods.

I found this great little product called miracle noodles, they are zero calorie noodles so I made a marinara with tons of veggies and ground turkey. I added cottage cheese on top because although it still has dairy it makes it taste like lasagna and it is SUPER low in calories.

So apparently this entire blog is heading towards just talking about food, but since that is one of my loves in life I'm trying to find a new way to love food, same comfort food ideas, less calories, more nutrition. OH another delicious food recipe. Creamed cauliflower instead of mashed potato. I steam a head of cauliflower, then put it in the food processor with a little coconut butter (vegan butter alternative) and cottage cheese to give it a creamy consistency. I always add a scoop of garlic, because well...it's delicious. Salt and pepper, a little cayenne or chili powder and nutritional yeast which makes it kind of cheesy. (if you imagine that cheese is powdered, and healthy tasting)

OK enough about food, seriously this time. I took new before and during pictures and also compared to my best weight loss photo and I haven't gained in weight and currently I am also down another 5 pounds. It's not a ton, but it's not gain. It seems I'm overcoming my plateau, which would happen even faster if I would just get my butt on the treadmill, but currently I'm focusing 100% on the food I put in my body.

So here are my pictures for the week. Or actually what seems to be the first in several months. The one in the grey quarter length shirt is from July I believe which was 2 months into my journey and the white shirt is my first day which was May 31,2012. The picture in the grey t shirt was 5 days ago. I have lost another 5 lbs since that picture was taken but I don't see a difference. I still feel exactly the same as I did in the first picture and I actually don't believe I lost weight until I see the picture which is evidence that it really happened.

 

And my measurements for the week.

 

 

 MAY 31  OCTOBER 12, 2012           NOV 19, 2012

 

 NECK 16               Neck:15                      Neck:15

 

 BICEP:20              Bicep:18                       Bicep:16

 ARM 13                Arm:12                          Arm:10

 CHEST:48             Bust:42                          Bust:41

 

 WAIST: 45            Waist:39                       Waist:38

 STOMACH:52           Stomach:49                   Stomach:45

 HIPS:52              Hips:45                         Hips 43

THIGH:28                Thigh:27                          Thigh:25

 CALF: 18                  Calf:17                           Calf 16

You can do anything for one day!

I think that it would be easy to say "I need to get a gym membership and start working out, I'm getting a little squishier around the edges than I would like". But, I now realize it is more than that. I am writing this post and putting my feelings out into the world, so I would appreciate kind words or criticism only.

I am a mom now, motherhood does things to your mind that I never realized. I never realized how my being overweight could affect my future, nor did I think it was hurting anyone. I now realize though that it can, and will if I don't learn to change it. As a parent, my job is to teach. I am teaching my son everyday to learn to eat, and be active. He will imitate and model my behaviour into his childhood.

 I don't usually feel like I am terribly overweight but then when I see pictures of myself I don't see the same person that I feel like. It's like a complete stranger is looking back at me. It's the weirdest feeling, I don't know if anyone relates to this but it's like I'm trapped inside the body of a fat woman that I don't know. I want to not only learn to be a more fit person but I need to learn to love myself. The hardest person for me to love is myself. I see all of my faults and short comings and I can seem to control everyone and everything except myself.

I realized that I had a problem when I noticed that I can lie to myself. I can have a smoothie, or a cookie and think "No one saw it, so it doesn't mean I ate it. " How freaking ass backwards is that?! I never realized how weird it was, then one day I just woke up and thought, "Crap man, I made myself fat." I made myself fat. Every bite I take is what effects my waistline. I think that I have a problem within myself, mentally that is contributing to my lack of control over the food I eat.

 I want to be able to find a healthy relationship with food so that I can pass it on to my son and feel confident that we are living a lifestyle that will set him up for a positive future. I truly never realized that I, myself, and only me made myself fat. I would like to find a supportive group of people that will not ask me to go eat an ice cream or drink a beer because god knows I will.

I from this day forward am going to vow to TRY my hardest to overcome this. I feel like I can do anything for one day. So this will be my motto. "You can do anything for one day!". If you want to help me stay on track, offer advice, take me on a long walk, whatever- I'm up for it.

I need to save my own life.