May 21, 2012
When we began this journey it all started in Brookings, Oregon.
I found out I was pregnant after taking about 7 pregnancy tests.
I had never been so sick in my life, the nausea was awful.
We left the morning after I found out I was pregnant to an Imogen Heap concert in Portland, Oregon.
The smell from the fog machines kept me in the bathroom most of the concert.
The next months went by pretty slow, we had an OB in Brookings and after looking at their medical facilities we decided it would be best to move back to Medford, OR.
I was put on bed rest towards the end of my pregnancy around 27-30 weeks.
I continued to have contractions and early labor signs throughout the weeks.
By my 34 week check up I was 8 cm dilated and 50% effaced.
By 36 weeks I was 10 cm and 100% effaced.
(which means pretty much a speed bump could have made you join the world)
I woke up the morning you were born (before I knew you would be born)and didn't feel right.
Dad had already left to go to work and I was alone. I called the doctor because I thought my water broke but they told me to stay home that it didn't sound like it did.
By noon I realized something wasn't right, I was vomiting nonstop and had a fever of 104. I called my mom (your grandma Marna) and had her come take me to the hospital.
When I walked into the hospital I was having bad contractions, I told the woman at the desk my water broke and I was in labor. She told me to take a seat, she filed her nails while I waited and talked on the phone. (Regardless of what anyone tells you, I was patient)
About 20 minutes later the nurse brought me back to the room. She checked my temperature and immediately admitted me. Everything went fast from this point. The doctor recommended that we have a C-Section because they estimated that you would be 12-13 pounds and your head was larger than my hips in the ultra sound.
Dad had to rush to the hospital because I was already being prepped for surgery. He came in the room and his face was white. He looked so nervous.
I headed into the OR and got prepped. I had a spinal and then laid down. Dad came in after that. (BEWARE:SCARY PICTURE COMING UP)
I remember the pressure from having you pulled out, I remember waiting to hear your cry. And when I did, I remember crying too.
yI wanted to see your face, they brought you over and lifted you over the surgical sheet so I could see you.
This rush of emotion was the greatest I have ever felt.
After this moment you were weighed and I was stapled up. We met back at the room where we began.
(you were 8 lbs 10oz)
Born around 2 p.m.
I couldn't hold you yet, my arms were heavy and weak because I was so sick before I came to the hospital and even weaker from the medicine that they gave me. But I saw your beautiful feet sitting on the side of the incubator. You pressed your toes to the sides and stretched as far as you could reach.
That night you were taken to the NICU because we found out that my water had broken several hours before we went to the hospital and we just didn't know. Your blood had been poisoned and you were having trouble breathing because your lungs weren't developed since you were only 36 weeks.
The next 8 days you were kept in the NICU and I couldn't come see you because I was sick and I could make the other babies sick too.
I got to hold you for the first time on my own after three days.
I never knew how much I wanted you until I didn't know if I would get to have you. The moment that I was wheeled into the NICU by your incubator was the most scared I have ever been.
You looked fragile. You were the first newborn I have ever held.
The tubes and wires made it difficult between the two of us to not get tangled and I did my best to come by and see you everyday.
We were in the hospital a total of 16 days.
While in the hospital I found out that I would never live through another labor so I couldn't have anymore babies.
I got to take you home on February 16th.
Dad and I were sitting and talking lately about how we wish that we could record all of the daily things that go on so that you can reflect on them when you get older and know what we did and how you felt about everything we did.
I have to tell you that when I started this journey, I had no idea what it would be like.
The day that I found out I was going to have a baby I was so scared and excited (mostly scared....pretty much just scared) today my life is so much different than I ever imagined.
You helped me learn what I wanted to do in life and what type of person I would like to be.
I am always trying to continue improving myself and our life to make sure you get the very best of me that I can give.
Today you are exactly 1 year, 3 months and 20 days old.
You are walking and running and making messes everywhere you turn.
We just got your second hair cut this weekend and this time you didn't cry!
(Unlike this day :)
You can say so many words. "mama, dada, purple, green, blue, dog, kitty, bernie, lilly, duck, quack, arf arf, meow, moo, rawr like a dinosaur, up, down, door, eyes, mouth, teeth, milk, baba, all done, car, truck, vrroom, meemee, so many more I could go on forever.
Today you got up and we went and explored in the car which is one of your favorite things to do. When we got home we just sat on the floor and played with your toys for hours.
Your favorite thing to do is go out on the back deck and search for bugs, you're such a boy.
I can now walk to your bedroom and sit in the rocking chair and ask you to come to bed and you will come right over with your blanket crawl up into my chest and fall asleep.
I never knew that I could love something as much as I love you.
I will try to write to you everyday so that we can have something to look back on together.
I am going to go check on you in your crib to make sure your blanket didn't fall off again before I head to bed.
I love you little boy.
Sweet dreams.
Love mommy.
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